A recent ABC News/Ipsos poll found that 12 percent of Americans have “no opinion” about former president Donald Trump. If you’re like us, you’re probably wondering, “Who are these people?” So we decided to track some of them down and hear them out. Enjoy!
Karen C. Biggins, 53
“It’s hard to pick a candidate these days because of my unconventional views. I hate immigrants but love abortion. I want to defund the police and abolish the IRS. I’m fine with the whole ‘trans’ thing, but I don’t think females should be educated beyond the eighth grade. No one is out there fighting for people like me.”
Reggie ‘Flex’ Deacon-Quaid, 72
“Yes, I’ve heard of him. So what? I don’t partake in partisan politics. I’m a ‘No Labels’ guy. Extremism in pursuit of moderation is no vice, my friend. If he ever wants to discuss the merits of the Simpson-Bowles report, I’m listening.”
Sandra J. Molina, 40
“I’d be a Mitt Romney girl if Mormons weren’t so weird. Donald Trump? No, I don’t really like any of the other politicians, and Nancy Pelosi is just so ugly it upsets me. So I’m really looking forward to JFK coming back to expose the pedophiles.”
Mustafa M. Suleiman, 29
“Trump’s a jerk, but I respect him as an entrepreneur. To be honest, I don’t see much of a difference between him and Biden, but if Kamala Harris ever becomes president I’m moving back to Syria.”
Kaylynn E. Jaykins, 22
“Who? Is that Tiffany’s dad?”
Josiah P. Rockecharlie, 38
“I guess I’m what they call a single-issue voter, and I stopped caring about Trump when he stopped trying to buy Greenland. A strong leader would’ve closed that deal.”
Dawn F. Wood, 47
“I didn’t enlist to withdraw from countries like some empire in decline. I came to invade and conquer. That’s the only way to make this country great again.”
Goat Dyrtsmythe, age unknown
“Books are inherently authoritarian. That’s all I’m willing to say on the record.”
Joseph R. Biden, 80
“There’s an old saying where I come from: ‘Keep clapping till the music stops, then take your broad home and sleep when I’m dead.’ Don’t hold me to that. I’m Jill’s husband, by the way, United States senator from Delaware. What was the question?”
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