Editor’s note: The powers that be at WND.com have told Michael Ackley he may submit the occasional column. As a general madness has accelerated lately, Mr. Ackley has succumbed to the urge to stay in the game. Hence, the items below. Remember that his columns may include satire and parody based on current events, and thus mix fact with fiction. He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.
Somewhere in the depths of “The Wealth of Nations,” Adam Smith observes that anyone who thinks merchants must plot secretly to fix prices knows as little of human nature as he does of commerce.
The same may be said of folks who think information monopolists plot behind closed doors. Actually, they plot openly, even holding public seminars about it.
We attended a panel discussion on this very topic last week in Berkeley, where the goal under discussion was “How to Make Sure People Get Information That Is Good for Them.”
Professor Amy Handleman of the University of California had just opined that “the real problem is misinformation,” when a Cal student with a makeshift keffiyeh wrapped around his head burst in, shouting, “Israel just bombed a hospital!”
“We should have expected this,” declared Handleman. “The university has really smart people who can protect the truth about incidents like this war crime in the apartheid country of Israel.”
“Hold on,” interrupted New York Times reporter Hamilton Gotcha. “We professionals should be trusted with the truth because we know the reliable sources.”
“You’re both wrong,” insisted Harrison H. Harrison IV, assistant deputy lieutenant undersecretary of the Department of Homeland Security. “Government represents the people, and the people should decide – through something like a Disinformation Governance Board.”
Ultimately, the panelists decided the three of them were equally trustworthy. And who could dispute that?
More than a coincidence? Thank heavens there still are a few honest, journalists, like Howard Bashford.
The great researcher, author of such classics as “Washington, D.C.: Intelligence Vortex?” and “Hilary Clinton: Space Alien?” is out with a new blockbuster.
“Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf and Alejandro Nicholas Mayorkas: One and the Same?” will be released this week by Real Fact Books.
Bashford’s meticulous research involved extensive interviews in Washington, D.C., and in the United Arab Emirates. His conclusion may be summed up in the irrefutable logic of the questions: “Have you ever seen Mayorkas and al-Sahhaf together?” and “Has anyone else uttered more stupid lies than these two?”
Al-Sahhaf, of course, gained fame as the Iraqi information minister who was dubbed “Comical Ali” by American journalists. The sobriquet was so apt that it was translated into virtually every language on the planet (e.g., Italian, “Ali il Comico”). Another of his nicknames was “Baghdad Bob.”
He rendered such risible, televised statements as, “There are no Americans in Baghdad,” while Abrams tanks rumbled along in the middle distance behind him.
At a press conference unveiling his book, Bashford said, “The parallels with Mayorkas’ repeated claims that the border with Mexico ‘is closed’ or ‘is secure’ are so striking as to be more than a coincidence.
“The new Sahhaf/Mayorkas has learned from his mistakes. He has been smart enough to avoid televised interviews with him standing at our country’s southern border. He doesn’t want to declare the border closed while in the background long lines of illegal migrants are wading across the Rio Grande.”
Bashford continued, “I walked the streets of Abu Dhabi and Dubai, asking citizens if they had seen al-Sahhaf.
“Nobody had seen him, but one respondent said firmly, ‘I heard that after Desert Storm he became an ice cream vendor in Miami, then got promoted into some kind of government job.’
“If that isn’t convincing enough,” Bashford continued, “look at Mayorkas’ photo next to one of al-Sahhaf. Clearly, they are of the same man. Of course, al-Sahhaf has had some ‘work’ done, but plastic surgery cannot disguise the basic facial structure. The photos are of the same guy!”
Mayorkas’ spokeswoman at the Department of Homeland Security, declared, “Mr. Bashford’s claims are simply delusional. We could prove this by putting the two men together, but everybody knows that could never happen.”
To this Bashford replied simply, “See?”
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